The Unbearable Heaviness of Being

22 Oct

This morning’s practice just sucked. I felt like I weighed a million trillion pounds. My hip was killing me. During Trianga, some sort of unpleasantness happened with my right knee and it was very not cool. Perhaps it is time to back off a little, take a break, not work so hard…I am not sure whether to listen to that voice or to continue on. I took two extra days off last week and it didn’t seem to help anything. A lot of my practice just felt like I was going through the painful motions. I know every day is not going to be rainbows and sunshine on the mat, but come on man…ever since I started practicing some of the “sandwich” portion of Primary, I’ve been in more pain and have felt more “stuck” and stiff both on and off the mat. Motherfucking Mari A. I keep getting adjustments in class, but this past week I felt so exhausted and in pain that I didn’t go to class. Just saying it out loud, as my Sponsor always says…I think I’d like to tag this post as FRUSTRATION and RESISTANCE. Maybe also FEAR and RESENTMENT with a steaming hot side of HOPELESSNESS.


3 Responses to “The Unbearable Heaviness of Being”

  1. Karen October 23, 2012 at 12:28 pm #

    The practice restructures physical (& mental!) habituations. Pain is part of the process. Important, of course, to sort out the difference between injury pain and the pain of shedding those pesky samskaras. 😉 The places where I’ve felt the most pain are the places where I’ve held the most habits — but they do work through and they do resolve, and there’s a freedom of (physical and mental) movement on the other side. Really.


  2. Nicole October 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

    Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break. Your body is learning all new things, and the Marichiasanas are difficult. Be gentle, and it will come with practice.

  3. mariavlong October 24, 2012 at 1:43 pm #

    I saw this today and thought of your post. Lots of good stuff here.

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