I think a lot in the wee hours of the morning about the places where 12 step recovery and Ashtanga practice intersect.
“We have ceased fighting anything and anyone, even alcohol. “–page 84 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
Even yoga practice.
Even getting up at 5am.
Even being stuck over and over again.
Even those places that are injured.
Even experiencing repetitive pain.
Even tears and sadness.
Even our limitations.
Even our age, our weight, our history, our failures.
Even our successes.
Even our jobs.
Even our talents, our skills, our joy.
We just ceased.
Right now I can’t even imagine what this cessation would look or feel like, how it would taste or sound. I only know struggle and taking the bit in my mouth over and over again lately. Every time that I think I have surrendered (hello step 3), I find myself in that familiar place of ego, resistance, anger, being shitty and human and imperfect and pissed off about it all. I don’t want the Places That Scare Me. I want:
That’s what I’m talking about! The fun, Seussian, Pisces version of life, preferably technicolor and full of greyhounds, fluffy bunnies, unlimited candy and a heavy metal soundtrack. Like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, as scored by Slayer. Not this samskaras and tapas business.