Jump Throughs? Motherbleeping Say What? On Being Stuck…

9 Jun

I’ve gotten to (I’ll just say it, like the folks at the Confluence Countdown did!) the dreaded… first jump through. F@ck me gently with a chainsaw. I don’t even know where to start. Time to get an Ashtanga teacher, like, yesterday!!! People learn this at home? Not this person, apparently. I am totally baffled, befuddled and just all twisted.I found three videos online that were somewhat helpful, but watching and doing are two VERY different things. It’s that whole wiggle-your-big-toe phenomenon all over again. I am having faith that if I keep practicing, it will happen in its own sweet time. Right? Right. I would love to hear how this happened for other practitioners out there…give me some hope, people! In the meantime, I am jogging to the front of my mat in a graceless and lurching manner. I am beginning to wonder if the Grizzly Bear is my f@cking totem animal or what. Someone, please give me a goddamned tourist to maul!

Today I got my very first ever Reiki healing done. I was somewhat apprehensive, but it was strangely awesome. The practitioner looked so unassuming and kind of like a sweet soccer mom. When she worked on me, it felt like a cold-and-hot purple colored bomb went off in my entire hip area. I also felt like I was going to get sucked into the floor. So weird! I’ve always been a little put off by the woo-woo-ness of Reiki, but I figured I would give it a fair shot (I’m such a secret hippie). Nothing else has fixed my hip and leg problems thus far! She suggested that I practice yoga asanas that focus on the first and second chakras, and said that perhaps I should carry something orange and red in each of my pockets as well as wear orange and red. She gave me an angel card after. Normally I run screaming at the mere mention of the word “Angel”, as it brings visions…not of dancing sugarplums, but of writhing people speaking in tongues (thanks Mom).  However, I am trying to remember that whole not having contempt prior to investigation thing, grrr…

I drew the PATIENCE card, ha ha ha!!! I am to enjoy being a student right now according to this card. Hint From Universe: In order to be a student, you need to GET A TEACHER.

Glad someone out there has a sense of humor about it all!

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2 Responses to “Jump Throughs? Motherbleeping Say What? On Being Stuck…”

  1. mariavlong June 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm #

    This has hilarious. What a great read. Your blog was featured in my recommended reads. Keep at it. I am a 54 year old 160+ lb 5″2 proof that jump backs and jump throughs are possible.

    • hellbentforpleather June 13, 2012 at 3:13 am #

      Thank you!!! That totally gives me hope! Just going to keep practicing and trust the process. And I’m glad I made you laugh with my crazy ranting 😉

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